from: Lisa
Although most girls and boys are raised to fit into certain gender roles, there are some exceptions. Girls can sometimes be tomboys and play with boys toys. Girls don't get picked on when they do boys things or play with boys toys. Boys are usually picked on for playing with girls toys or doing "girly" things. Not all kids are raised to fit into certain gender roles. Some parents let their children choose on their own what they want to play with, whether the toy is for their gender or not. Some parents are very strict when it comes to their children fitting into specific gender roles. The fathers will not let their boys play with dolls. Then, there are the parents who wished their child were the opposite sex and raise them as if the child were the other sex. For instance, the father that wanted a boy but, ended up with a girl. He raises his girl to act and dress like a boy. Then, there are the boys who are raised by single mothers. These boys are usually considered "Moma's boys" and are very emotional like girls. My son is very emotional like that. He has some "girly" qualities. He sleeps with a stuffed bunny. Sometimes, he likes to play with dolls with his sister. He doesn't play sports like most of his friends do. Although, he likes to do normal boy things too, like ride his bike, dig in the dirt and climb trees. He likes to shoot guns and build things too. But, my daughter also likes to do the same things. I let my son play with dolls and I let my daughter play with cars and they are both perfectly normal. My daughter is also feminine but, only to a certain extent. She likes to wear jewelry and make-up but, she also likes playing in the dirt and climbing trees. I raise both of my children to be themselves. Neither of my children fit into the social norm. Both of my children exhibit both feminine and masculine behavior equally. I think all children should have a choice when it comes to how they are aloud to act and what they are aloud to play with. If parents were to let their children make choices for themselves, there might not be so much pent up anger in kids and more honesty from them. My children are well behaved because of the way I have raised them.
4 comments:
I agree with you completely. Children should not be subjected to going along with the with the specific gender roles their parents pick out for them. Why not allow children to think for themselves?
Growing up as the only girl in the family (I have one younger brother and six younger cousins) I too played with cars, climbed trees, and got filthy from playing in the dirt. I did everything that my cousins did when I would go over their house. However it was a different story whenever they would come to play at our house. Since I am I girl, I did own barbies and babydolls. I can fondly remember my cousins and brother playing house with me with the dolls and dress up with the barbies. On a few rare occasions, they even allowed me to go as far as putting makeup on them! I still have the pictures to prove it!
Looking back on this, I can say I’m glad my parents did not stick me into a specific gender role. They allowed all of us to be individuals and go against the norm set by society. It didn’t matter so much as what we played with, but how much fun we were having all together.
P.S.- Your daughter has some serious upper body strength! :)
Fifty years ago, I too was more tomboy like during adolescence. I had a happy childhood during play because my parents didn’t put restrictions on what girls should play with. I do remember a very clear incidence though, of being put into a girl category when I was six years old by someone that wasn’t even in my family. I remember so many details of the surroundings; where I was standing, what part of day it was. It must have had some sort of impact on me, for me to remember so much of it. A girl, about eight years older repeatedly asked me, “What are you”? I repeatedly replied, “I’m Gale”. She would keep saying, “That’s your name, but what are you”? I never did give her the answer she was asking for. Finally she had to say, “You’re a girl”. I am amused that I remember this.
It's refreshing to read about how you're not stigmatizing your son for playing with dolls and the same with your daughter climbing trees. I have never encountered a parent who doesn't chastise their child in some way when it comes to gender socilization. My friends have children and the several I have been around have socialized their son or daughter to be gender appropriate. I believe by allowing children to make their own decisions, they become more creative and well-rounded individuals. They not only learn to be competitive and aggressive like males but also learn to be problem solvers and caring. Children who are discouraged from performing gender-opposite tasks may not develop those traits. I believe it's important to let your children be children and play with whatever they like.
I was raised by my mother whicj is probably why i turned out alright. I wouldnt go so far as to call me a momma boy, but I definately have girl qualities, like being friendly not aggressive, caring about people, helping people. I played sports though as a child. I am a natural athlete, so i love sports. I dont really like watching them, I do watch chick flicks, and i like chocolate... I dont know, What is girlie? being nice? I mean i am a guy but, I was taught to treat everyone like normal.
I think its great that you raise your kids with the courage to tell them to be what they want, it will work out for them, it worked for me.
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