Gary Neuman seems to think so. Neuman's recently-published book, The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, gives women suggestions for how to prevent their husbands from cheating. Read this article about the controversy his new book is causing. What do you think about Neuman's advice?
20 comments:
"Men will eventually find their way into the arms of another if they are not getting enough sex at home. Sex for men is the equivalent of the loving comment and thoughtful gesture for the woman. In short, when you give what your husband wants, he'll give a great deal back to you."
I cannot beleive that a book like this was actually published. To me that statement is saying that a man only gets married to someone so he can have sex whenever he wants. Marriage is suppose to be based on trust, communication, and compromise. Do men really think that if their spouse is not sexually satisfying them its ok to go else where? I cant believe these statistics either: he found that 69 per cent of those who cheated had never previously considered it a possibility, while almost 90 per cent linked their cheating to some 'significant dissatisfaction' in their marriage. I am very interested to know where he got those statistics from. I am actually sort of interested in reading this book now.
Sadly, I have had this situation in my family quite recently. Neuman's "tips" were the concerns surrounding the problem. My reaction was the same - an "are you joking?" sort of thing. I would never give my entire life up to one person. Marriage is about common grounds and having the same goals as someone, not giving up your life to satisfy them. It seems to me that men who blame their "dissatisfactions" on their partner are just dissatisfied with themselves.
I think this book is very degrading to women men also need to make amarriage and relationship work it's not all about the women doing things
I can’t believe that there are men out there that believe that it’s their wife’s fault that they are cheating. I think that you should never have to cheat on someone and if it’s in deep thought then divorce should be too. Men would never do the things that they are listed in this book for us. Why should we go out of our way? Marriage is two people as an equal. Not one higher then the other.
I think a marriage should be based on LOVE. If you find your husband cheating then he obviously doesnt truley love you . I cannot make any sense out of the statement that its the wifes fault that the husband is cheating , its his choice, he knows the risks and consequences that will come along with his selfish actions.
If a woman isn't necessarily giving her husband enough sex, there's probably a reason for that. In that case it's not the woman that needs to change, but the man. He needs to change whatever he is doing to make her not want to have sex, not just run out and cheat on her, ultimately destroying their marriage.
This article makes it seem like a happy marriage is all about the man. It seems that Neuman's study group was a bunch of selfish, adultrous men. Did he balance it by asking unadultrous husbands what their hints were to a satisfied marriage??
The best marriages I have seen are where the spouse considers the other first, in all things. Neither considers themselves better nor more deserving than the other. Satisfaction and joy is present when both spouses practice it. It's simply the Golden Rule.
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and to think he may make money selling these books makes me sick. Marraige is a partnership and both parties involved are responsible for making the other happy. We(women)are NOT here to serve men,just as they are not here to serve us. Marraige is about give and take for both partners. My opinion is the one who cheats should take full responsibility for their actions. If you are not adult enough to talk to your partner if your not getting what you need out of the relationship, then only you are to blame. Neither women or men are mind readers, there needs to be open communication in a relationship.
I am shocked! Marriage is a commitment that no one should take to lightly and also those who enter into it should be adults. If you partner/spouse blames you for the affair it is not true. Problems in a marriagee need to be talked out and not hidden. Running to another person just makes it worse. A couple should compliment each other and not just give hin praise because he is a male. Also giving sex on demand does not show love. They need to sit down and work together. She is not he only one to change.
This morning on some news program,
"When a woman cheats its the woman's fault, when a man cheats its the woman's fault." -Meg Ryan
I think its actually quite funny that this man is telling women pointers to keep their men from cheating. Women are just as capable to cheat as men are. Husbands can be moer intereseted in their wives interests, help more, give more attention, lose weight, etc. Just like how this author can clam a women can do.
Marriage always works together when man and woman support eachother. There is trust, love and respect to live a relationship. But when you lack one of the any element it becomes a challenge. And about men cheating, who is to blame? Please not his wife...But no, "She must have done something." Thats the first thing in mind for everyone. And even the statement in the book is inclined towards men which is very sad.
No matter if you are a man cheating on a woman or a woman cheating on a man, the spouse is not to be the blame. No matter what you do, you cannot blame another person for your actions. When you are in a relationship you should know right from wrong. Being in a relationship, you make adult desicions, and those desicions come from who you are as a person not because of the other person. Though in some cases that does occur, but it could only last for so long if so. I think the idea of women being the blame when men cheat is bias and just wrong. I'm trying to view the topic from a mans point of view but I just keep going back to the fact that if you really care and love someone, another person should not even compare to that. And if another person does compare to the relationship you are in, then the relationship was never true to begin with.
I can't believe this came out of a Doctor's mouth! It just sounds so ridiculous to me and the fact that it was even published is absurd. Besides, he never even mentions the things men can do, as well, to better a relationship. Even though this book is for wives, I think both partners thoughts and feelings need to be taken into consideration. It's unfair to single out just one side.
I cant believe a book like this was publish, a marriage isnt just about men having sex with women, and having it whenever they want. marriage should be the love between two people and that they want to take care of each other, and be able to live and share there life with them. marriage is compromise, and communication. there is so much more to marriage just then sex.
WOW! I can't believe women are really even buying this book! The reviews on Amazon are unbelievable from "Saved My Marriage" to "Saw him on Oprah". I'm disappointed in Oprah for having this quack on her show!
"The tips - which Neuman says are 'dedicated to helping wives' - include: always forgiving him; giving him sex on demand; lavishing praise on him for providing for the family, even if earning more than him; rarely letting him out on his own with friends or work colleagues; and taking an interest in his hobbies."
If you really have to try that hard to keep your husband from cheating then I feel that the relationship was not meant to be. Sometimes you just marry the wrong person and you were never truly in love.
"It's more like dog-training a man than being in an honest, successful, adult relationship with him." said Susan Quilliam.
I love this quote about the book. She has the right perspective of a good relationship, I wonder what Gary Neuman's wife thinks about the book if shes not brainwashed.
This is crazy! I have that same "are you joking?" response. Someone is seriously delusional if they think this book is even remotely okay!
Like Sherina said, cheating is an action that is entirely the unfaithful spouse's fault. You can't blame your actions on another person, especially someone you "love" enough to be married to. It's just absurd.
The sad part is the women who actually believe this garbage! Women shouldn't have to blame themselves for an unfaithful husband, and sex shouldn't become and ultimatum.
Marriage is a two-way street, and if you fail to realize that maybe marriage isn't for you.
This is just ridiculous. I think thats one of the most stupid things I've ever heard. The way i see cheating is if you cheat on someone obviously your relationship with the person that your cheating on isnt good, because if it was you wouldnt be doing it. You cant have it all. He is blaming the reason for men cheating on women because he thinks he should be able to have sex whenever he wants. A relationship is more than that. And both people in the relationship have to contribute to eachother, and devote theirselves to each other. This is just total nonsense!
I can't believe what people write about now just too make some money for theirselves. The worst thing about this book is that there are women who will actually read the book and believe that it is true. There is no man out there who is worth changing who I am. Who does this author think he is? Some kind of goddess?
I can not believe that the American public is buying into this new theory. How dare men be so arrogant as to blame their wives for their infidelity. They made that choice. They need to own up to their own guilt.
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