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Lori Gottlieb's article, "Marry Him." What is the premise of her argument? Are you, or have you been, worried about getting married before you are thirty? Jessica at feministing.com
responds to Gatlieb's article. Do you like her response? Why or why not?
12 comments:
I wasn't able to find one scenerio described in the article that didn't involve settling for something. It seemed like staying single was "settling" for less than what she felt she deserved and the married people had all "settled" for the trappings of marriage. Either way you take a big risk, single, if your looking to get married, you risk not finding anyone, if you marry, just to be married, you risk being unhappy and utimatley divorced, either way you end up single. Stay single don't settle.
Basically, Lori Gottlieb believes all women want to get married, remaining single is "un-American," and as she eloquently states: "And all I can say is, if you say you’re not worried, either you’re in denial or you’re lying."
Gottlieb completely ignores lesbian women and uses her own personal experiences, feelings, and belief as her research. Not all women prefer a monogamous, long-term, relationship, not all women want to be married, not all women are heterosexual. Essentially, one woman, in this case Gottlieb, speaks for all women, which can never be accurate.
I'm not worried about being married before 30; I'm worried that I don't even have the right to marry my partner, to share the 1,000+ benefits heterosexual couples can gain within seconds.
I love Jessica's response; Feministing is one of the best blogs out there.
Here, Lori Gottlieb talks about getting settled, and having a traditional family, but I think she is missing a point. Is getting married the platform for any women? Can women be really happy when they get married? She explained here, her own personal feelings, if so then how about the homosexuality? How about the women who has biologically and physically more attraction towards female, than that on male? What if a women can get so called "happiness" even by staying single, and having babies and living ordinary life is not that of a big deal. One can still be happy and not married, and we can see a lot of examples of HAPPILY UNMARRIED.
This was the most ridiculous article I have ever seen. The woman who wrote it clearly has issues with being alone and that's sad. She claims that women would be happier and better off if they would stop being "picky" and would just settle. Jessica's response was absolutely wonderful. She clearly said what I was thinking the whole time I was reading "Marry Him". There are plenty of women out there who are perfectly happy being single, and I'm one of them. I personally have friends who are just as happy being single as I am.
Gottlieb is playing into the media. Infact, most of her examples of women's unhappiness came from the media! The media just feeds into women's brains that they have to get married, they have to have children, and if they don't, then something is wrong with them.
Settling is what leads to such high divorce rates when "settling" didn't work. Settling can be horrible for future children. Do you really want to raise kids in a home deviod of love and with parents who don't enjoy eachother's company and can't agree on important issues?
I feel that it is healthier for women to stay single then to settle for some random guy. Why put yourself through extra stress over some loser you trapped yourself with? Besides I feel like I read some where that married women live shorter lives and married men live longer lives. It's sounds to me that it's in the best interest of men to trick women into getting married.
I'm not saying I'm opposed to marriage. I hope one day I find a decent man, but I will never settle for less than I deserve. I'm perfectly happy single!
I think that the big thing out of this article is that women were raised in the thought that you need to get married in order to have children and to be happy. The author I guess is trying to explain that you dont have to be married to be any of those things. She has a very awkward way of putting that and I guess if I had the time to get mad at someone who wrote something on paper that I disagreed with then I probably would. I honestly dont have the time and no one can take my beliefs from me so I wont get upset. I can see how most women think though. I was raised in a family who on one side is very religious and on the other is more go with the flow not so religious. I was raised with the thought, dont have babies till you get married and honestly this day and age why does it matter anymore. People get pregnant all the time and are not married. If that one person loves you and your happy with your relationship and the baby you have then why rush the marriage? To complicate things more or maybe even push the person away witht he thought of being tied down forever? I think that everyone has different views on this, and everyone was raised in different families with different beliefs. I think that if we as women stick with our own beliefs and live happily in our eyes then we are doing no wrong.
I believe that the whole problem with this issue is a lot of people were raised to believe that marriage is the only way to be happy and that having kids outside of a marriage is the wrong way to go. I would love to have the ideal family in the little house with the white picket fence, but in most cases that will never happen.
In this day and age marriage is nothing more then a piece of paper that for some reason everyone wants but is frightened of. I ask myself "If 'marriage is forever' then how is there even a divorce rate?" I agree that being to picky could be a bad thing in trying to be happy but a lot of times it is because of all of the 'fairytale' endings in the movies and TV shows that people get an unrealistic view of happiness. Most people think of happiness as being a marriage where everything falls into place however any relationship is going to have some sort of settling in it because people are different and no matter how good of friends you are with a person there is always going to be a little give and take needed is a healthy relationship. In life problems arise and you might have to change your routine in order to deal with it. This is no different then having a disagreement with someone you love.
Love is a beautiful feeling however it is not a fairytale and there are always going to be differences.
After reading the article I had to sit back and read it again i felt many times the author was being a hypocrite. I think that you should stay single. All women don't always want to get married and have children. What about the lesbians in the world or the strong willed women who long for a career rather then a husband let alone children? I don't know if anyone as read "The Awakening", but that is a perfect example of settling not just for children but settling because it is what society thinks or wants you to do. Just getting married because you are 30 and lonely is not following ones heart. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone and things happen for a reason, only time can tell.
In both articles they both gave the advise to settle. Why settle when you might be able to find the right one and if you don’t then it doesn't matter. It’s just weird to think that people are telling women to settle and get over men's stupid things that irritate us. Why should we give in when it annoys us so much? I wouldn't live with it. I would probably lose my mind if I had to be married to a guy that made me feel like I was crazy. Like someone said to me if your going to settle for a man settle for someone that you can't live without not someone that you could live with. But still I would have to say I would rather stay single than get married for all the wrong reasons.
I will be 20 years old, in 20 days. Call me crazy, but my life is wrote down on a "time line" stuffed away in a box, and 23-24 is where marriage is wrote down. I suppose this is because I have a great boyfriend now for 2 years, and all of my family always marries young and has children instantly. To me, this sounds perfect, this is my white picked fence time line. However, I can't picture marrying just any 'ol guy because I'm 30. So I agree with the arguementive reply. I'm well aware that my life could run off track from my plan, but I can make a new plan, and I guess time can be left out of it! The only thing I can agree with is when she said you must be worried. I just feel like in this era, when youre 30 you already have 5 year olds to drive around to soccer practice...so if I didn't even have a husband?! Well I guess that's just me.
I dont think that women should settle but its very hard for women to not because society tells you, you have to get married, when we all know its not something you HAVE to do. I think because we look down on women who are not married, it puts an incredible amount of pressure for them to do what it takes to not end up like that. What would you rather want, to settle and be miserable the whole time or work on your own schedule?
I see a few of us read the article by Lori Gottieb. My reply can be read at the following site.
http://shouldwomensettle.blogspot.com/
I don't think that women should settle rather then stay single. I am almost twenty years old and have had long relationships, so I have set goals to get married early twenties and have children around that time as well. If my plan was to go off track with my long term goals, then I would have to prepare a new one. I think people feel that you need to be married to be happy in life and this article proves a point in you can be single and be happy as well.
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